When I called in sick to work on multiple occasions, he confronted me, which I knew was difficult for him, as well. I had always been an extremely productive and reliable member of my department who worked long hours seemingly tirelessly. I was fortunate that one of my associates, also the chair of my department at the time, recognized a great change in me. I knew deep in my soul that I was in serious trouble, and I consumed more alcohol than ever in an attempt to ease my pain and fears. I risked everything I had worked so hard for - my career, my reputation, my self worth. I had always been a solid citizen, and before their eyes, I had deteriorated. He attempted to get me to realize the trap I had fallen into and that alcohol was wreaking havoc on my life. My father in particular struggled with what he saw. My father, who is an astute physician, and my mother, who is a nurse, began to notice the changes in me. As I fell more prey to the insidious power of alcohol, I would often stay in bed much of the weekend in order to avoid reality and responsibility. I began to call in sick to work - something my overachiever personality had never allowed me to do. I would awaken in the middle of the night, and in order to ease my pain, I would drink until I fell back to sleep. I no longer consumed alcohol it consumed me.
Eventually, I fell into a pattern where I craved more and more alcohol. Ultimately, I was also prescribed several sleeping agents, and at first, the combination of the sleeping medications and alcohol helped me fall asleep and eased my anxiety and pain. At long last, I could get a few hours of sleep. Its seemingly medicinal effects initially were enticing. Early on, alcohol was a great source of comfort to me. I found myself almost desperate for a good night’s sleep - a problem so frequently encountered in our society. My personal struggles translated into extreme difficulties with insomnia. However, in 2003, I began to encounter some difficulties in my personal life. I could not have imagined ever being in that place that could never happen to me. In fact, I remember being at a conference and becoming quite concerned about a colleague who had become intoxicated. I am cautious by nature, and back then I seemed to know when enough was enough. I had the occasional glass of wine on the weekends while I was out to dinner. When I first went into practice, I was what many would describe as a social drinker. My career had blossomed and everything was seemingly perfect. I practiced in a highly supportive hospital setting. Upon completion of my training, I eveloped a successful and rewarding practice with wonderful and loyal patients and a large referral base. Through unyielding perseverance, I became a surgeon specializing in the care of oncology patients. I devoted my life to patient care and the practice of medicine, and I have excelled throughout my career. Like so many other physicians, I have always been an overachiever.